


stitches.

by zenospenos



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Racism, Mentions of sex work, Multi, Skin picking, Smoking, This is completely self-indulgent and if you're reading this im sorry, cws at the beginning of every chapter, garleans being garleans, mentions of abuse, mentions of underage sex work (very minor), this is my mental illness in written form
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:34:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29933487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zenospenos/pseuds/zenospenos
Summary: short snippets from my WoL's life.this is purely self-indulgent, but if you're here for the ride, who am i to stop you. after all, are we not merely flecks of dust on a star floating through space, trying our best to survive in an unforgiving world?
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	1. cigarettes.

**Author's Note:**

> CWs for this chapter include: 
> 
> mentions of underage sex work, skin picking, smoking

The click of the lighter and scent of his pipe burning is enough to put her off from sleeping soundly. Nei lies there, naked and shivering despite the blankets and furs swaddling her body, and listens to the steady thrum of the magitek lamps as they flicker in and out of the corners of her vision. 

Her patron had introduced himself as the Legatus Gaius van Baelsar, but nothing else passed his lips before she was whisked away from the commotion of the ballroom below and brought here, where he was gentle enough for a man of his size compared to hers. 

After their romp, he wanted her to stay and warm his bed, and she more than happily obliged, seeing that mingling with Garlean Nobility was rather low on her list of things she enjoyed doing. He didn’t speak with her much during their little tryst, except for the occasional swear or groaning of her name as she put her rather talented mouth to work on him, or the light banter they exchanged as he pulled her on top so she could ride him. 

The music playing on the Orchestrion is pleasant enough, though she wouldn’t say it’s exactly her taste. Garlean music was finicky, but she wasn’t one to complain, especially while in the presence of a powerful Legatus. 

The clearing of his throat interrupts the thick silence between them, and she looks up at him with pale gold eyes, his own more of a deeper amber than hers, still holding power over her even in the smallest of ways. 

“So.. tell me. How long have you been in Garlemald? I can’t say I’ve seen you around much.”

“F-Five years, my Lord.” She says, absentmindedly picking at the scales littering her arms. How odd of him to ask such a thing. Most of her patrons didn’t even bother learning her name. 

“Five years? Don’t tell me you’ve been doing *this* for that long.” The look he gives her is pointed, and she shifts uncomfortably. “How old are you, anyways?” 

“I j-just reached my eighteenth summer a m-moon ago.” She replies, successfully picking off a scale from her arm and watching the blood bead from the freshly opened wound. “I’ve.. done this since before my arrival, in an outpost of Castrum Fluminis.” 

“That is unfortunate. A young girl such as yourself does not deserve a life like that.” 

She doesn’t know how to respond, ceasing her scratching at herself to look up at him with widened eyes. Did he truly think that? That a useless savage such as herself truly did not deserve the life she was given? 

“The Kami are c-cruel.” She relents, taking a deep breath as he exhales a ring of smoke. “I have never been f-fond of those who idly worship those who would make m-m-my life a living h-hell.” 

“Fate herself is a cruel mistress. I would not disagree with you there.” He says, passing her his pipe without looking at her. “Try it. It’ll calm you down. I can sense that you’re on the edge.” 

She’s tentative as she grasps the pipe, a beautiful engraved thing made from silver and polished wood. When she raises it to her lips, she takes a deep breath in, and the taste alone is enough for her to gag on the smoke and cough it out from her burning lungs. 

Gaius van Baelsar chuckles, taking back the pipe from her before it slips out of her hands and onto his covers. “It seems you aren’t well-versed in the art of smoking, my dear.” 

“N-No.” She wheezes, trying her best to chuckle along with him. The laughter only comes out as more coughs, however, something that spurs a handsome smile from him. 

“No matter. You wouldn’t be the first one. I find that the plants I smoke are stronger than most would prefer.” 

She hums a response, turning on her side to face him. He doesn’t pay her any mind, instead focusing on his pipe again as he takes in a deep breath of smoke. Nei’s hand is gentle as she slowly touches along the rippled muscles of his bicep, sliding her fingers along the dips and rises until she reaches his clavicle, running over the bite marks she put there during their little game. They weren’t very stark against the darkness of his skin, but they were still visible to her, for she had lovingly put them there herself. 

“Tell me about yourself.” He says out of the blue, and her hand retracts ever so slightly as he says it. “I want to know more about you.” 

“Do you often ask this of the wh-whores who warm your b-bed?” She asks, dodging the question quickly. “I can’t say m-my life has been very eventful until r-r-recently, and I would not want to _disturb_ you with such h-horrific e-events.” 

He smiles. “Ever the entertaining courtesan, you are. I don’t think I would mind a story, but only if you’re comfortable with it.”

His smile is returned with something vulnerable. Innocent, even, despite her wretched past. 

“Very well, my Lord. Where should I begin?”

  
  



	2. skinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs: mentions of abusive relationships, unrequited relationships, mentions of using sex as self harm, asahi being asahi

She always wakes up bells before Asahi even stirs, the starlit sky barely showing any signs of morning light. The nightmares have struck again, unfortunately, and it’s always the moment where she’s tossed out of a window where she wakes, eyes opening before she hits the ground. 

The steady thrum of the magitek air conditioning activates as she sits up in bed, looking blankly down at Asahi’s sleeping form with tired, half-lidded eyes. 

From all these moons of them sleeping together, of her steadily falling in love with him, again and again does he take from her, uncaring for how she really feels. 

She is merely stress relief to him, and she doesn’t mind in the slightest. 

As long as she stayed out of his way during the daylight hours and under him when needed, their relationship was distant and respectful, though her dress collar never did much to hide the marks and bruises left by him during the night. 

She’s nothing, and she knows it. Even when he cards his fingers through her hair, whispers acts of praise as she struggles to breathe from his ministrations, Nei understands he doesn’t really care about her. And why should he? All she was was a simple substitute for someone greater. Someone far more magnificent and beautiful to him. 

He wanted her, because she was the closest thing he would get to Lord Zenos. 

She feels his hand curl around her wrist as she tries to scoot off from the bed, and a gasp escapes her lips at the sudden contact. It’s cold and soft, how very like him, and yet she can’t shake the jolt that rises up her spine, causing her to shiver for a moment. 

Asahi is wide awake, those dark eyes staring directly through her, a most displeased look on his face. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” He rasps as his bruising grip tightens even more, voice still not fully awake yet. 

“W-Water,” She mutters, trying to pry her wrist free from his grasp to no avail. “I’m thirsty.”

“Liar.” 

Asahi doesn’t move, tugging at her wrist until she relents, curling back under the covers and letting him wrap his arms around her, burying his face into the crook of her neck and inhaling. She imagines that it’s because no matter how long she’s been in Doma, she still smells like Zenos to him. 

It makes her feel sick, in a way. That such a kind man from before her escape to Eorzea would turn into such a vengeful, jealous creature. All because of a man who deigned to give her his attention. One beautiful, angelic man that both of them vied for. That a friend could turn into a foe in merely a few days of knowing each other worried her. Who knows what Asahi would attempt in his lustful agony? 

Nei shudders, and lets her eyes flutter shut with a deep sigh. 

Asahi combs his fingers through her hair, and she can sense the shit-eating grin playing on his features, even when she can’t see it. Eventually he will fall asleep, and she will lie there until he wakes, nothing but a body to warm his bed. 

But it’s alright, because for now, she is safe. For now, she’s alive. 

And everything will be okay in the end. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry
> 
> follow me on twitter ig @zenospenos


	3. following.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs: Canon-typical racism, kidnapping, garlean culture in general

Garlemald is so different from Castrum Fluminis. 

Instead of vibrantly blue partly-cloudy skies, there’s a thick haze of smog that covers the entire skyline. There’s a constant drizzle of sleet and snow, and the air is so bitterly cold, it hurts to breathe. 

She’s bundled up with all the sweaters and scarves and fleece-lined tights sas Gabinus could afford, waddling around the city streets with her nose buried in the warm, fluffy neckerchief wrapped around her face. 

His grip on her wrist is bruising, but perhaps he doesn’t want her to get lost. The Capital is so much bigger than the Castrum she’s been living in for a few moons now, he would remind her, and getting lost without food or a warm bed would certainly mean death for a little Doman-born savage like her. 

Nei only nods, and keeps walking. 

She doesn’t know how long the two of them will be staying in Ilsabard, but for now, she just follows him as he takes her through something he called an “Underground” and across the city. 

Upon a hill sits a very large and imposing building, and Cato points out that it’s the Imperial Palace where His Radiance and the royal family lived. They stand outside the gates for a bit, and Nei admires the golden arches that tower over her, each one having a story carved into it. 

When Nei asks where Emperor Solus zos Galvus finds all of his rooms inside such a huge building, sas Gabinus only chuckles, and tugs her along as they make their way down the street. 

Nobody in the Capital spoke Doman, and very few spoke Common. Most of the words floating around her were Gougan, and though her Imperial Education ensured she spoke both Gougan and Common, her understanding of both languages was stunted by the sheer speed that the people here spoke it at. Words were slurred together, accents scrambling vowels and making her head spin. 

“ Timendi causa est nescire.” She heard, and pondered for a moment. Ignorance is the cause? Cause of what? 

Sas Gabinus yanks her around a corner, and her head spins from the cold. 

The Gabinus home was lovely, and despite the odd looks she was given by the members of the household, they welcomed her with open arms as Cato’s young charge. 

They pull up a chair to their dinner table, and though there were so many things that were different from the mess hall from Castrum Fluminis, the gold-bordered portrait of a young Emperor Solus remained at the front of the room. 

It’s there that she has her first taste of fresh meat in half a year, and she eats everything given to her, not sure when her next meal would be. Cato’s aging mother only chuckles, passing her another helping. 

“There will be no need to worry about going hungry anymore.” 

“Oh, you’re so skinny! We’ll need to toughen you up for the winter.” 

“You may borrow some of my coats and tights if you’re cold. The summer isn’t usually that bad, but you may have to get acclimated to the climate.” 

“Such a cute little savage. Cato, where did you find her?” 

“We use forks and knives here. Do you know how to use them?” 

“Don’t slurp, it’s rude. Oh, where are my manners, you wouldn’t know that.” 

“Can you read? I’m curious.” 

“You can understand us, right? I didn’t know if you Domans had the mental capacity to be fluent in Gougan.” 

“Nei, time for bed.” 

Cato’s voice snaps her from the haze of backhanded compliments, the aggressive politeness directed at her. She stands quickly from the table, bowing a simple sign of thanks, and retreats with him as he leads her to the sitting room, where a mess of blankets and pillows lie next to the fireplace. 

Wordlessly, she thanks him, sitting down and huddling close to the fireplace, listening for his footsteps as he walks back to his family in the dining room. 

When she’s sure she’s alone, Nei gazes into the fire dying before her, holds a pillow to her chest, and cries. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments appreciated :>

**Author's Note:**

> As always, comments appreciated :)
> 
> follow me on twitter @zenospenos for terrible content ig


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